{"id":9248,"date":"2022-01-20T19:03:45","date_gmt":"2022-01-20T19:03:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.africa-press.net\/gambia\/uncategorized\/letters-to-the-editor-can-a-spouse-remain-that-best-friend"},"modified":"2022-01-20T19:45:26","modified_gmt":"2022-01-20T19:45:26","slug":"letters-to-the-editor-can-a-spouse-remain-that-best-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.africa-press.net\/gambia\/all-news\/letters-to-the-editor-can-a-spouse-remain-that-best-friend","title":{"rendered":"Letters to the Editor : Can a spouse remain that \u201cbest friend\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

Africa-Press – Gambia. <\/strong><\/span>Dear editor,<\/p>\n

It was that day, not so long ago. I was sitting across, just a table or two away. The two friends were engaged in some lively chit-chat. They must have missed each other. That reunion which evokes old memories, that which takes you back to your salad days when you were green in judgment.<\/p>\n

Anyways\u2026. They spoke about university and their dreams and what had become of them. Then children and marriage. Seems most conversations end with these issues, or something like them. Within an ear\u2019s shot, I overheard the other happily telling the other that she married Lamin, her best friend at uni. Then a boisterous laughter and more giggling\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cI married my best friend\u201d kept lingering in my mind. And yes, I have heard this refrain time and time again, especially from newlyweds. Does a spouse remain that \u201cbest friend\u201d after the marriage, I mean that \u201cbest friend\u201d you can tell any and everything in your life, your deepest and darkest longings; that one person you can be yourself with without censure? Or marriage often changes that dynamics? Even if we don\u2019t marry our \u201cbest friend\u201d, can the new life partner become our \u201cnew best friend\u201d? Can he or she definitely be or become one?<\/p>\n

A leading psychotherapist I read once upon a time, whose name I can\u2019t remember now, posited that the image of a husband being a best friend is a larger-than-life image. \u201cWhat you can talk about with your friends, you can\u2019t always discuss with your spouse \u2013 and, in some cases, you shouldn\u2019t\u201d.<\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t living together and sharing that space and all a different ball game, one that alters the \u201cfriendship\u201d in a totally different way? You certainly can\u2019t talk about all and everything, even if you want to. That relationship isn\u2019t about you alone or your feelings. Some things that you would gladly pour out to a best friend, you can\u2019t to a spouse. Some things are rather swept under the carpet, rather left unsaid, unspoken. I think marriage introduces that \u201cunspoken pact\u201d of leaving some things unsaid.<\/p>\n

I know torfobali ning chinika kumujang would disagree with me, that in marriage \u201csunshine\u201d should be the disinfectant. That a spouse should remain the \u201cbest friend\u201d even after the two souls become one. That marriage is supposed to improve the friendship, making it better and sweeter, maturing and deepening with time.<\/p>\n

Maybe the torfobalis are right. But isn\u2019t that expectation a tall order, a kind of asking for the moon in a relationship call marriage. We can tell our best friend anything but we can\u2019t with our spouse. One can tell a best friend that one has a crush on another person but would you dare reveal this to your spouse? You cannot even tell the other that you met your ex or ask that your ex be invited for lunch at home? Woe betide the trust and security in that relationship.<\/p>\n

I honestly think nothing is more delicate or intricate than negotiating personal spaces in marriage. In place of the unconditional acceptance in friendship, there are ego factors and desire to possess in marriage. Even the desire for \u201cprivacy\u201d in marriage can raise eyebrows. Friends would allow you your space, even \u201ctime out\u201d.<\/p>\n

Yes, your spouse can be your true friend, your support system, your strength and that alter ego. But that best friend, better keep him or her outside that circumference call marriage. See, you will always need that person to who you can run to and cry out your heart; that person you can grumble to about your spouse, gossip about your in-laws, tell that secret to. You need that best friend and certainly may not be your spouse.<\/p>\n

I can hear the torfobalis grumbling and complaining about my daring-do farrowing into this territory. But samafo. I just think that what we can discuss with our best friend, we can\u2019t honestly and openly talk about with our spouse. If you can, thank your spouse. If you can\u2019t, better keep that best friend.<\/p>\n

Njundu Drammeh<\/b><\/p>\n

Fajara<\/b><\/p>\n

For More News And Analysis About Gambia<\/a> Follow Africa-Press<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Africa-Press – Gambia. Dear editor, It was that day, not so long ago. I was sitting across, just a table or two away. The two friends were engaged in some lively chit-chat. They must have missed each other. That reunion which evokes old memories, that which takes you back to your salad days when you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":9247,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,8],"tags":[2355,2361,4126,4027,260],"class_list":["post-9248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all-news","category-homepage-english","tag-africa-press","tag-africa-press-gambia","tag-best-friend","tag-editor","tag-gambia"],"yoast_head":"\nLetters to the Editor : Can a spouse remain that \u201cbest friend\u201d - Gambia<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dear editor, It was that day, not so long ago. 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