{"id":17051,"date":"2022-07-06T09:46:39","date_gmt":"2022-07-06T09:46:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.africa-press.net\/lesotho\/all-news\/a-shoulder-to-cry-on-2"},"modified":"2022-07-06T10:45:08","modified_gmt":"2022-07-06T10:45:08","slug":"a-shoulder-to-cry-on-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.africa-press.net\/lesotho\/all-news\/a-shoulder-to-cry-on-2","title":{"rendered":"A shoulder to cry on"},"content":{"rendered":"

Africa-Press – Lesotho. <\/strong><\/span>IN moments of deep grief and anguish, when the pain is raw, all one needs is a shoulder to cry on. But sometimes those tasked with providing comfort to the bereaved find themselves at a loss for words.
\nNumbed by the sting of death, some find themselves fumbling to find the right words. Such moments of silence provide opportunities for serious contemplation not only about the brevity of life but its meaning.
\nSometimes it is just the mere presence of friends that acts as a tonic to broken souls. In an African setting, death is a communal affair. We rally behind one another in an effort to console and lessen the pain.
\nAnd when people are grieving, they need someone to speak to, to reassure them that all shall be well, in \u201cGod\u2019s due time\u201d. That was particularly true when the deadly Covid-19 pandemic broke out on these shores early last year, sending the entire nation of 2 million people into panic.
\nAs the smell of death wafted across communities, there was palpable fear all over. In search for answers, some turned to religion, surrendering their lives into the hands of God. For some, religion seemed to offer the only cogent explanation of what was happening.
\nIt was under those circumstances that Ntholeng Daniel Molefi, 46, often found himself face-to-face with people who were thrown into grief, consoling the bereaved while providing hope to those in despair.<\/p>\n

Molefi is an Assistant Superintendent and head of the Chaplaincy Unit in the Lesotho Correctional Service (LCS). He says when tragedy strikes, he makes sure that he is around, with the affected families\u2019 blessing, to provide psycho spiritual support.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe call that the ministry of presence,\u201d he says.
\n\u201cI would just be there in their time of need.
\nHe says when he speaks to the bereaved, he is quite clear in his sermons that \u201cGod is not the source of evil; I tell them that death is an enemy, it is not a messenger from God.<\/p>\n

\u201d While he provides counselling to others, he is at pains to highlight the fact that he is no \u201csuperman\u201d. He says he is a mortal man, with emotions and weaknesses like everybody else. Molefi cites the case of his own brother who died in 2007.<\/p>\n

Although his brother died 14 years ago, in a fatal road accident along the Maseru-Roma road, the wound is still fresh. He says while he was still trying to process the news of his loss, a colleague told him that he must practise what he always told them at funerals \u2013 that he must be strong.
\nThat hit him hard. \u201cSome think you are an \u2018Iron Man\u2019 and that you don\u2019t feel pain,\u201d he says. He says that is wrong. When duty calls, Molefi digs in God\u2019s Word the Bible to find verses to comfort the grieving.
\nThe burden of expectations can be overwhelming though. \u201cIt is a very challenging task to transform man when I am a sinner myself,\u201d he says. But tough as that might be, he still does all he can within his limited power \u201cto do God\u2019s work\u201d.
\n\u201cI am expected to listen to people\u2019s emotional challenges and handle issues that are sometimes deeply personal.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s tiring, it\u2019s exhausting psychologically and emotionally,\u201d he says. Sometimes he finds himself dealing with people\u2019s marital issues, which can be deeply personal.<\/p>\n

Sometimes he has to handle socio-economic or work-related issues that could equally sap his energy, leaving him emotionally drained. \u201cThey can be taxing on me as a person.
\nI have to pray with them and counsel them. This is not an easy job. \u201d While dealing with all such issues, the people still expect to see you \u201cwalk the talk\u201d and \u201cpractise what you preach.
\n\u201d He says his job is to give hope to colleagues and prison inmates so that when they leave prison they are better members of society.
\n\u201cThey must leave the correctional institution in a healthy state.
\n`\u201cOur main objective is to transform the lives of prison inmates as stated in our mission statement.
\nWe want to rehabilitate the offenders so that they can go back to their communities as changed people. \u201d \u201cWe want them to be people who are industrious in their communities.<\/p>\n

We want them to be law-abiding citizens. \u201d As a chaplain, Molefi says his plate is always full. \u201cI pray with inmates and staff. When they have lost loved ones, it is my duty to provide grief counselling.<\/p>\n

\u201d He conducts memorial services for LCS staff and preside at funerals where necessary.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe message I deliver is a message of hope,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Yet in consoling the bereaved Molefi remains painfully aware that he \u201ccannot fully comprehend the pain of those who would have lost loved ones\u201d. \u201cDeath is a very personal experience,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

\u201cI tell them that it is only God who can comfort them and heal them, not circumstances, not time.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhile time might help us cope eventually, it does not heal the pain of death.
\n\u201cI do not minimise the sting of death.<\/p>\n

As Africans we often say, \u2018ho tla loka (that all will be well), and that God will give you another child, if you have lost a child. \u201cI don\u2019t say that. No child can replace another child who has died. \u201d
\nMolefi says to win the battle for the souls of the prison inmates, they realised that the transformation must start in the heart, which he says is \u201cdeceptively wicked\u201d, quoting the Book of Jeremiah in the Bible.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll crimes come from the heart and so we knew there was no way we could transform lives without involving God.<\/p>\n

We realised that we could not transform lives unless we reached their hearts. \u201d Molefi is adamant that \u201cno man can change a person, only God can do that\u201d.
\n\u201cIn all our interventions to rehabilitate offenders, we have to involve God.
\n\u201d It is that deep, strong faith in his convictions that drives Molefi in all what he does.
\nEven when he was still young, Molefi says he knew he had this special calling to be a pastor, to shepherd \u201cthe flock of God\u201d. \u201cI felt this was my calling even when I was still very young.
\nAs a prison chaplain, Molefi\u2019s job has taken a totally new dimension with new challenges in the wake of the devastating Covid-19 pandemic that continues to mow down people around the world.
\nWhen the disease began killing people in Lesotho, it brought a sense of gloom and doom as well as panic in society. \u201cPeople were scared, they were afraid because the virus is deadly.<\/p>\n

We had to go out there to all correctional facilities to address that fear, that hopelessness,\u201d he says. Molefi says the Covid-19 pandemic is not just a health issue; it is affecting people psychologically.<\/p>\n

The pandemic had a \u201cvery negative impact on people\u2019s mental health and we had to go out there to provide psycho-social support\u201d. He says in caring for his pastoral duties, he has always realised that virtually no section of society has not been touched by the pandemic in some way.
\nWhile others have been terribly sick, others have lost dear loved ones. But Molefi did not always want to be a pastor growing up in Mafeteng in the early 1980\u2019s.<\/p>\n

As he grew up, it appeared as if every young boy wanted to go out and work in the mines in South Africa or join the army. Joining the army was seen as a demonstration of true masculinity, that you were strong and a real man, some kind of macho thing among boys in the village.
\nThat appealed to his young self and saw the young Molefi dreaming about serving his country in the military. Those who had gone to the mines in South Africa also appeared to have made it, what with their fancy dressing and beautiful gadgets they would bring home!
\nThat too made an impression on his young mind. But as fate would have it, Molefi realised he was destined for a special calling when he joined the then Lesotho Prison Service as a correctional officer in October 2000.<\/p>\n

He was to soon realise that this was where he belongs, not in the military and certainly not digging for gold in the \u201cdungeons\u201d of \u201cMother Earth\u201d some five hundred kilometres away from home.<\/p>\n

Thanks to what he says is his solid Christian upbringing, Molefi found himself drifting towards pastoral work within the prison institution, with some of his friends teasing him as \u201cNtate Moruti\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy mother taught me to develop the Christian personality and planted the seed of serving God.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd when I got here, I found a captive audience, people who were already confined, ready to listen.<\/p>\n

I realised that this is where God had called me, to preach a message of hope, to the incarcerated. \u201d Despite all that they do to reform offenders, sometimes they too fail. Some prisoners, after spending years in prison, are released only to be arrested again for other serious offences.
\nHe says the problem of recidivism, when offenders commit serious crimes again, is quite common in Lesotho\u2019s prisons, attributing such incidents to difficult socio-economic backgrounds of some of the offenders.
\nSome are rejected by the community and commit further crimes, only to be thrown back into prison where they \u201cfind a home where the ground is level\u201d. \u201cOnce a prisoner, you are always a prisoner in the eyes of some.
\n\u201d Molefi holds a Masters of Management Sciences in Public Administration (Peacebuilding) from the Durban University of Technology.<\/p>\n

His thesis was on restorative justice and focused on the re-integration of inmates into communities. Every Sunday, Molefi has a one hour slot on Radio Lesotho called Fountain of Hope where he talks about family issues.<\/p>\n

He also provides counselling to those who are grieving. He says every day, he gets calls and messages on his phone from people thanking him about some of the subjects he would have talked about on radio.
\nThat must be deeply satisfying. Molefi, who was born in 1976 in Ha-Motlere in Mafeteng, had a very difficult childhood. His father, who died when he was 10, worked as a salesman at a shop run by a white businessman, Mr Scott, were salaries were extremely poor.
\nTo supplement the family\u2019s meagre income, his mother would sell fish and chips on the streets of Mafeteng. While other young boys would be out in the playgrounds, the young Molefi would find himself joining his mother on the streets of Mafeteng selling foodstuffs.
\nIt was a brutal life. But it taught him the values of hard work and sacrifice. \u201cLife was never easy. This was a very difficult period in our lives but God saw us through,\u201d he says. Molefi also holds a BA in Theology from Helderberg College, a Seventh Day Adventist institution in Cape Town. He specialised in pastoral care.<\/p>\n

For More News And Analysis About Lesotho<\/a> Follow Africa-Press<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Africa-Press – Lesotho. IN moments of deep grief and anguish, when the pain is raw, all one needs is a shoulder to cry on. But sometimes those tasked with providing comfort to the bereaved find themselves at a loss for words. Numbed by the sting of death, some find themselves fumbling to find the right […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":17050,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,6,8,16],"tags":[233,246,245,1836],"class_list":["post-17051","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all-news","category-files","category-homepage-english","category-twitter","tag-africa-press","tag-africa-press-lesotho","tag-lesotho","tag-words"],"yoast_head":"\nA shoulder to cry on - Lesotho<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"IN moments of deep grief and anguish, when the pain is raw, all one needs is a shoulder to cry on. 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