Africa-Press – Zambia. Ah, democracy in Zambia—where the President sees peace while the rest of us are left to contend with flying machetes, broken bones, and burning houses. President Hakainde Hichilema, in his infinite wisdom, has reassured the nation that the Petauke and Pambashe by-elections were “peaceful,” despite an avalanche of evidence that screams otherwise.
Yes, dear citizens, do not trust your lying eyes. Those viral videos of political cadres beating opponents senseless? Friendly handshakes. The reports of opposition members being beaten, intimidated, and chased from polling stations? Just spirited political debates. And the blood on the streets? Oh, that’s just tomato sauce from a well-prepared nshima meal.
The Art of Presidential Optimism
Let’s give credit where credit is due: President Hichilema’s ability to see tranquility where others see terror is nothing short of miraculous. It takes real talent to witness armed gangs terrorizing entire communities and still describe the situation as “a shining example of democratic progress.” Perhaps he mistook the gunshots for fireworks, celebrating the beauty of a free and fair election.
Or maybe, just maybe, he has mastered the art of selective blindness.
✔ Violence by UPND cadres? What violence?
✔ Opposition members chased from polling stations? Never happened.
✔ Voter intimidation? Nonsense. They were just encouraging people to vote wisely (for the ruling party, of course).
One has to admire the consistency. The same man who vowed to end political violence now pretends it doesn’t exist. It’s almost poetic.
When “Peace” Looks Like a War Zone
Let’s break down the so-called “peaceful” by-elections:
In Petauke, opposition campaign teams were beaten and chased from villages by UPND thugs moving door to door, ensuring that only the “correct” votes were cast.
A car belonging to Hon. Chisopa was shot at in Petauke. But don’t worry, President Hichilema assures us this was all part of the “peaceful democratic process.”
Mutayachalo’s car was smashed in Petauke—another piece of “political art,” creating a perfect backdrop for a peaceful democracy.
In Pambashe, UPND cadres attacked opposition members in broad daylight, with the police standing idly by, watching the violence unfold. Surely, nothing says “peaceful election” like police inaction, right?
Reports of ballot box tampering, voter suppression, and armed cadres surfaced across both constituencies. Yet, according to President Hichilema, these by-elections were calm, orderly, and an example of democracy at its best.
What’s next? Will he declare a drought “a season of plenty”? Or perhaps describe a power blackout as “innovative energy-saving techniques”?
The Deafening Silence of the Police
And where, pray tell, were our ever-vigilant Zambia Police Service?
Ah, yes. They were busy perfecting the art of ignoring violence. While opposition members screamed for protection, the police stood by, watching the chaos unfold—perhaps waiting for an official order to act (which, shockingly, never came).
Had the violence been against the ruling party, you can bet the police would have swung into action with riot gear, teargas, and mass arrests. But since it was UPND cadres wreaking havoc, the officers simply “didn’t receive any reports”—because, as we all know, if you don’t acknowledge a problem, it doesn’t exist.
Hichilema’s Legacy: From “Bally Will Fix It” to “Bally Sees Nothing”
Once upon a time, Hakainde Hichilema stood on a podium, promising Zambians that under his leadership, political violence would end.
Fast forward to today, and he now presides over the very chaos he once condemned. His once-powerful speeches about fairness and democracy have been replaced with empty declarations of peace—even as the streets of Petauke and Pambashe tell a very different, far more violent story.
The question now is: Does President Hichilema truly believe his own words, or is he simply hoping that we, the people, are as blind as he pretends to be?
Either way, one thing is clear: In this new Zambia, “peaceful” means violent, “fair” means rigged, and “justice” is reserved only for the politically correct.
So, dear citizens, the next time you witness political violence unfold before your very eyes, do not panic. Just remember that, according to the President, you are actually witnessing peace.
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