Africa-Press – Cape verde. Soap opera love. It is all fun and games until it comes to replicating that love in reality. How long can fantasy serve one’s life? Some will fall in love with people of that dream nationality or is it race they watch on TV, others will keep wishing for a miracle. Then, there are those who try to combine the values into their existing relationship (which may, or may not work). What is real and what is not, and how far can one go to live their fantasy in real life?
Could be all fiction
Melvin Muhwezi, an artist, says contemporary TV has changed the perception people have towards love relationships. The setting within which they are based is totally different from our reality. When choosing lovers and how to love them we are influenced by cultural norms, religion, and society.
Unfortunately, TV shows and soaps do not really portray our reality but rather a foreign reality. So, people want to be treated how they see the “acted” treatment in these TV shows that is based on fiction.
So, to a large extent, contemporary TV has compromised genuine love in our African setting.
Gives hope to the less or unloved
Diana Agaba, an accountant, believes that when you watch romantic comedies (rom-coms), even if you did not believe in love, the portrayal of love is different therein. Some movies bring back hope for others in love. For example, one from a poor family marries one from a rich one, or two completely different people make it work. Others help one speak up or not to settle in bad relationships.
Could instill fear
Scenes in some movies may show a relatable situation to the one watching and they end up putting things affecting their relationship out of proportion which would have otherwise panned out differently. If you over watch negative movies on love, it also affects the way you think about it. You may fear being in a relationship because you do not want to get hurt, which most of the time is not true for every individual.
It is a different culture
Prize Jayson, a businessman, opines that movies, soaps and shows have on a larger side affected creativity in relationships negatively and positively. Most people want to experience what they see.
However, most of the time, they forget what is required to have the same experience like they watch in those soap operas and shows. The situation, the culture and the upbringing is all different so one cannot just copy and paste these things into their lives because if one sided they will mostly fail.
On a positive note, however, they help us learn new ways to spice up our relationships since these movies are sometimes based on real stories. The actors and writers of these shows are creative enough to leave something for the viewer to learn from it.
It is all fantasy
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, a counsellor, says fantasies begin as early as when we are children; The girls holding baby dolls, the boys playing these father games, playing football, and later in life as teenagers, the girls idolising celebrity couples, and models. In her teenage life, Lufafa says it was mainly novels, fairy tales, happy endings, seeing life through these lenses.
“Today, the fantasies do not stop, especially for the younger generation. On TV, they will get the handsome actor and the beautiful actress to play alongside each other and they will show all these beautiful sides. Even a quarrel is flowered and does not get as real as reality goes,” she says.
Westernisation overload?
Western culture is on a different level when it comes to telenovelas and those other reality shows, or movies.
While they publicly show their love and affection, we have a limit to what we show the public.
“In African society, somehow emotions are not meant to be seen. If a young couple is to meet each other’s parents, they will not hug, or kiss or literally splash affection in front of parents as it is looked at as bad manners,” Lufafa says.
Different but unusual perspective
Because of globalisation, young people are able to see love in a different light, with romantic pet names and they get glued to the TVs, because the actors are good.
When the brain is glued to something for so long, it starts to take what it consumes as the reality. This slowly creeps in people’s relationships because consequently, they want to be treated a certain way, a way that has never come up in the relationship.
The man is not used to holding hands, or even hugging in public and the woman is probably not as fancy as the one in the movie, creating a bit of boredom.
Someone keeps longing for that person that looks like the model on TV or even forces their person to be like them, bringing friction in a relationship.
“Telemundos are nice, they kill boredom and keep people entertained. However, it is important for people to remember that not everything they watch on TV will apply in their relationship or life. We can copy what can apply to us and leave the rest,” she says.
Friendships
Lufafa urges lovers to cultivate friendship in relationships, knowing that if they have an issue, the friendship will work it out.
Here, when something goes wrong, one will reach out to the other person as a friend and eventually forgive them as they navigate how they can work on their relationship.
Relationships take work
“Take time and work on your relationship because fantasies do not last. We all go through those stages and we outgrow them. It is good to have a wish list, but also it is not good to keep the expectations too high. One should leave room for adjusting,” Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, a counsellor says.
If a person has 60 percent of what one is looking for in a partner, surely there are things in the 40 percent you can negotiate .
If the rest cannot be negotiated for you, move on to the next where you can make a common ground.
“Weigh and see what you can live with and what you cannot, then make a decision. What you may not live with, someone else may not have a problem with it and vice versa, because there are people who are good at adjusting,” she says.
That is where dating comes in. Dating is important in helping one decide whether they can or cannot handle some things that the significant other tends to have.
Keep in mind that no one is 100 percent perfect and as a matter of fact, no one is.
For More News And Analysis About Cape verde Follow Africa-Press
