Africa-Press – Eswatini. Violence against women and girls is one of the most oppressive forms of gender inequality and stands as a central barrier to equal participation of women and men in social, economic and political spheres.
Women and girls experience different kinds of violence in our society, and this violence is perpetuated by the patriarchal society that we live in. By patriarchal society we mean a society that always views a woman as lesser than a man in all spheres.
We have seen how women are less valued at family level; (wena umsikati, indzawo yakho ayikho lapha, hamba uyokwendza, Angeke lelikhaya libuswe bantfu; labasikati,ufuna lifa ayolidla nemadvodza).
In the church (promoting kutsi bafati abatfobele, you must be submissive to your husband, kutsi uyafa akunakwa), at work place (women not paid equally as men, sexual harassment); schools or tertiary institutions (in schools we have seen girls denied to continue with their education because they are pregnant); communities (promoting a culture where women are always suppressed) and decision making bodies (always dominated by men, making laws, policies that are not gender sensitive, women not given a voice)
Irrespective of different laws (sometimes very comprehensive) that we have in the country, but we still see women subjected to brutal violent situations.
Sometimes we see these laws not applied, rather some toxic cultural practices used to continue subjecting women to a state of non-existence.
We always say we are rich in culture, how do we ensure that we shape the culture in a way that will promote our rights, why is it always used to be in favour of men. Let us do away with toxic cultural practices that violate our rights.
Family level
I start at family level because it is a very important institution where the nation is built. The question that we must ask ourselves is, how strong are our families, that we can be confident that we are producing a generation that will sustain the country. It starts by how we perceive marriage.
I say marriage is a choice and it is an institution where both partners contribute to its success. If only one partner is the one who is always expected to respect the other all the time or allows to be subjected to any form of abuse, then that is not a marriage.
It is a prison. Is there anyone who likes to stay in a prison? so we have an assignment to decide wow we are going to change/shape our families from being prisons to be institutions that will breed a strong nation. if you can’t change it stay away from a prison.
It also starts by not understanding the type of marriage that you have been married into. If you are married under civil rights do you know the consequences of that marriage.
We don’t get married to be maintained, this is an institution that requires both parties to play a role. The moment you will be a receiver all the time, you will be vulnerable to abuse. Let’s go out there and work for our families.
To the single mothers
We salute you, some divorced, others widows, others never got married, others were abandoned by their husbands.
You are not a lesser woman just because you are not married or not in a relationship. What is unique about you all is that you have and are still raising a future generation single handedly and you are doing absolutely well.
If the fathers are still alive, don’t let them get away with not maintenaning of their kids. A child is maintained by both parents.
It doesn’t matter that you have children with different surnames, after all they are all your children, who are we to judge, and do you know what this woman is going through? Mothers who have dumped their children with grannies – whatever that you might be going through, never give up on your blood. Bafati tikhukhukati, yifa lapho kufa bantfwabakho khona.
It is Ok that you divorced him, you made a choice to protect yourself and your children. Your husband has passed on; it was God’s time. Do not allow the insults that you might have killed him destroy you.
You have legal rights to inherit the estate of your spouse, kungakhatsaliseki kutsi ushade ngaluphi luhlobo. Kuzila (wearing mourning gowns) is not a ticket that you will inherit. It’s a choice of how you want to mourn your loved one.
No one has a right to force you to undergo a custom that you are against. The constitution protects you. You have a right to own land.
We know that under Swazi nation land we have seen women denied kukhonta just because they don’t have a husband or a son.
Why do you need a man in your life for you to have access to land when the constitution grants you that right? It is us that can challenge that toxic practice by certain chiefdoms. I call it a practice because it is not law.
Way forward
It’s Ok to lose a job just because you refused to have sex with your boss
It is Ok not to be appointed in positions of power because you refused to have sex with someone or to pay bribe.
When given an opportunity, whether at work or any position, let’s work hard. Asingalali ejokweni women and girls.
Life out there is so brutal, if you don’t work hard and excel you are in trouble.
As women and girls, let’s create our support systems. Let’s not judge one another, rather support. When you support awumbonyi umonakalo but you have a way of correcting and accepting that person. Through our support systems, we will be able to push and empower women to be in decision making positions.
Mothers, we do not have a garbage bin to throw bantfwana labatalele emakhaya or disobedient children.
Let’s walk the journey with them, as difficult as it is, they are still our children.
We may have all experience abuse or violence in one way or the other, but let us work to turn that pain into power!
Lastly, do not allow to be silenced by GBV, report any form of abuse that you are experiencing, suspecting and have seen.
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