Africa-Press – Lesotho. The Previous article unveiled some maladaptive behaviours that children and adolescents grapple with. Focus was mostly on those issues, which the child is believed to have full control over, through proper
guidance and support, and for this reason, suggestions were made as to how parents and guardians can minimize chances of the onset of the said manifestations, as
much as they possibly can. Today’s issue will firstly continue to address someof the issues which could not be covered, in the previous article and it will also discuss some of the issues children
happen to go through as a result of their environment: family and or society, including teachers and peers. As has been said, focus for now will be on the ages
13 to 18, adolescent and may touch ages 19 to 30, young adult.
Lying:
Adolescents can tell harmless lies such as “Ho Sharp” when being asked how they are, even though they are not feeling well. This is normal; such lies are often made to make someone feel good, just to
avoid hurting them. They are not a problem. However, there are lies that are serious and need to be stopped. Lies such as missing school or taking money
from someone’s handbag without permission, if not handled well at an earlier stage, may gradually turn a child into a future big liar citizen. The reason
why children usually lie is that they do not trust the adult enough to tell them the truth. They are afraid of the way parents might react. They feel it is
better to lie and risk being caught later, than face the immediate consequences. Once this repeats itself, parents have to examine their rules and the consequences of their breaking. What one can do is to try to make things easier for the child to tell the truth, than to make them worse, by punishing them for lying.
Death:
This is the part of life which is unfortunately a bit challenging for parents to talk about, to children. This is probably because no one, even if religious has a guarantee what happens after death and
why people die at different ages and through illnesses or accidents. Death results in grief. It is important to grief the death of someone close or loved.
Grieving is not only important, it is healthy as well. Children (like adults) must be allowed to grief, they must be allowed to go through all the stages of
grief, which may be four, five or even seven, depending on the author. For this text, four (4) stages of grief will be discussed: Denial, yearning, despair and acceptance.
Denial
: This is pretending that the loss is not happening. Although it is not a
permanent solution, it is good in that it gives time for the news to sink in, as one processes it. The moment someone comes out of denial, the emotions rise,
but the truth will have sunk. may be characterized by shock, where the grieving person may be numb and shut down. This will pass; it is only the natural body’s defense mechanism, which helps the person cope emotionally.
Yearning:
This stage is characterized by anger, it has the masking effect. The anger may be redirected at other people, even the diseased, or to an object. One may have a feeling of bitterness, resentment and emptiness. As it subsides though, one may begin to think more rationally.
Despair:
The grieving person may desire to withdraw and disengage from others and the activities they normally enjoy.
Acceptance:
This is not necessarily a happy stage; however, it means that one has come to an understanding of the reality of the matter now, in their life. Grief is a process, and people grief differently,
there is no period for grief or for each stage and nobody should be pushed to move faster. Patience and compassion are needed with the grieving person.
It is also important to note that grief can be for any loss, love or even a belonging. It is important therefore to understand that grieving people are in their own world, which only they understand.
Divorce
and remarriage: This is the most difficult time in both children and parents. For children, it destroys their world and puts an unknown one in front
of them. It is so frustrating. Children would rather prefer a bad relationship for their parent or none at all, than the unknown relationship. Parents should
consider this as serious as death in a child’s eye and so should give them time to grief the lost world. If parents have values and morals known to their
children about extra marital relationships, and they now have a new relationship, they should take things slowly at least until they are sure their adolescent has adjusted to the new relationship before they take it to the next
level. If the parent remarries and children have not been included in the progression of the new marriage, they feel left abandoned and this results in the ever, sour relationship among the parties.
Disappointment:
It is the sadness caused by nonfulfillment of one’s hopes and expectations. If continued, someone’s emotional and physical wellbeing may be negatively affected,
resulting in symptoms such as depression or other somatic illnesses. Some instances of disappointment are predictable and preventable but some are beyond
our control. In order to manage disappointment we need to help our adolescents differentiate between situations within their control and those beyond.
If they do, they can then deal with their frustrations more appropriately. We need to help them check whether their expectations are reasonable, whether they are not aiming
unrealistically too high. Disappointment should not destroy them, on the contrary, if taken in stride, it can strengthen them and make them better people.
It should be taken as a journey toward greater insight and wisdom, which needs one make self-reflection and meaningful reevaluation so that they can be free from the next disappointment.
If they learn how to handle disappointment at a young age, they will not be afraid to strive for what they want keeping in mind that there is always the risk of disappointment.
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