Africa-Press – Lesotho. THE Lesotho Murderous Police Service is sending officers on a peacekeeping mission to Mozambique. You read that right. Mohlolo of the year. This would be funny were it not something serious.
It’s tragic that officers who cannot control a crowd of 300 unarmed students without resorting to violence are now being sent to a war zone to maintain peace.
It is a notorious fact that our police fear crowds. These are officers who cannot control a herd of cattle without firing their guns or unleashing sticks and boots.
They are an excitable lot incapable of containing their exuberance. For the police, every problem is a nail that needs a hammer. Every crowd must bleed for them to be satisfied that they have worked.
A good day is when someone screams in pain, defecates in their pants or has bled. Now they are being dispatched to Mozambique, a country in the throes of war.
Muckraker hopes the commissioner is not sending the scum of the police on international duty because they will thoroughly embarrass the country. The only consolation is that Mozambique is a Portuguese-speaking country so they won’t be quarrelling with locals.
You can imagine our ofisiri asking for a bribe from a driver in mutilated Portuguese. He doesn’t know how to say ‘give me something for a drink’ in Portuguese.
Perhaps they should have been given a quick language course to learn the basics before leaving. Simple things like how to ask for a bribe, threaten violence or negotiate nyafu.
The most important lesson should however be on currency. Muckraker has crucial tips for them. Call it a mofao of wisdom. The first is that they should remember that they are not in Motimposo.
Second, Mozambicans don’t tolerate unruly and uncultured police officers. They will retaliate with vigour if you hit them. And they have no qualms using instruments that leave indelible marks.
The third, and most important, is that the Rand is not equivalent to Mozambique’s Metical. One Metical is equal to 26 cents. Why is Muckraker telling them about the currency? Well, so that they know how much to ask in bribes.
We don’t want them wasting their talent in the art of corruption on small monies in Mozambique. And one last thing: Mozambique has an ocean that you cannot swim cross like Maqalika.
Stay on the shallows if you cannot swim, I beg! In the meantime, Muckraker will be throwing a party to celebrate having fewer officers to deal with. They are a menace.
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