Here comes the Feselady

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Here comes the Feselady
Here comes the Feselady

Africa-Press – Lesotho. The Feselady is now officially in the ABC’s structures after being elected chairperson of Mokhotlong constituency. She was elected via a show of hands as if they were selecting a committee for mokhatlo.

How she got there is not the issue. The owner of this tortoise atop a fence pole is obvious. Nothing is to be gained from looking for its owner. Yours is to eat your heart out and brace for what comes next.

She now has both earned and transmitted power in the All Basotho Confusion. Earned via a sham election and transmitted through her proximity to Uncle Tom.

Remember the chaos she unleashed using transmitter power? Principal secretaries were spanked all over town. Now imagine what she can do with earned power.

From here, the Feselady is galloping all the way to parliament. Muckraker cannot wait for her to infuse the much-needed drama into our sleepy and numbingly boring parliament.

You can imagine her walking into parliament with a molamu to whip other MPs. Never again shall MPs doze off and retreat into dreamland during debates.

Snooze and you miss the daily doses of drama from the Drama Queen (DQ). Nap and you might find yourself floored by an uppercut from the Mokhotlong yellowbone, stiletto heel on your rotund cheeks.

Say something silly and the DQ will come upon you like a ton of bricks. She will pull the Speaker’s ears as he screams: Order, order, Liabolo! She will pinch other MPs during debates.

If that doesn’t work she will use her bare knuckles to get her point across. Using stilettos is not beyond such characters. Remember she has previously used violence on those who refused to obey her orders.

Whoever will be the Speaker in the next election should tread carefully because the queen of DQs will be in the house. Shoes will be flung around. There are those clever by half elitists who will argue that the Feselady will not bring much value to parliament.

What value and for who? Who cares? Shame on such naysayers. The Feselady will make a better lawmaker than the imbeciles that have been overflowing in our parliament for decades.

She has the energy. Whether that energy is misapplied or not is not the issue. The aesthetics of it have never mattered to either the Feselady or the country.

What matters is that she is in parliament. Muckraker is always praying for the day she will clobber some MP. You can bet your last coin that this will happen.

There will be shouting matches full of superlatives. Mother, fathers and ancestors will be insulted. The only question is whether she will do the ultimate: Stripping naked and clambering tables.

On that one you can use your knowledge of probability (journalists are not included because the mathematics put the fear of God in them). Don’t go with luck because the Feselady has proven her propensity to shock with the most outrageous of actions.

For now Muckraker can only say get ready for a bumpy but exhilarating ride on a tractor driven by the girl from Mokhotlong. Will she win? Well, why not? It’s not about IQ or special skills but popularity. It can even be notoriety but that doesn’t matter in our politics. Muckraker is rooting for her.

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