Africa-Press – Lesotho. This one is a classic from the aeons long forgotten but remains as relevant as a Honda Fit. No reason to say ‘Qoi’ because it’s like a miniskirt. Short enough to arouse interest and long enough to cover the essentials.
Here it goes. A politician recently visited Nyakosoba for a rally and asked the villagers to tell him the two main problems they want his government to fix if he wins the election in October.
An old man stood to speak. “The first problem is that we have a hospital but there is no doctor,” he said. The politician nodded, pulled out his phone, dialled some number, thrust it in his ear and began to shout.
“The people of Nyakosoba want a doctor! I want you to send one here tomorrow. Do you hear that? This is not a request but an order,” he said. He ended the call and turned to the villagers. “The doctor will be here tomorrow.
Now tell me your second problem,” he said to the old man who was still standing. The old man smiled and cleared his throat. “The second problem is that we don’t have any mobile network in this area,” he said.
There was silence. The momentary silence that follows a loud fart at a pitso. The silence was not because the villagers had caught the politician in a lie.
They were waiting for what he would say next for they knew he was not one to be ashamed when caught red-handed. They knew he was going for the jugular and he didn’t disappoint.
“In that case, we will make Qaqathu the capital city of Lesotho. I swear.
This primary school across the river will be turned into a medical school so that you don’t lack doctors. Your children will eat ice cream under the school feeding programme.
We will have cable cars between villages. There will be traffic lights on the road to the cemetery. All men in this village will get Florsheim shoes. Women will receive stilettos.
Your cows will get cabbages every Friday. “Your goats will receive massages every month. Donkeys and horses will receive sunglasses. Dogs will eat T-bone steak every Monday.
As for you, my people, the sky is the limit. I will bring heaven to Qaqathu. Your sons and daughters will swim in job opportunities. My party is already negotiating with God to rain diamonds on your villages. You will have so many prawns that your tummies will overflow.”
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