Africa-Press – Lesotho. I’m in my second year at university and have realised the career I chose is not the right one for me. I always thought I’d like to be a medical practitioner but I’m crazy about animals, not people.
I love the bush and wild animals. I feel as if my soul can soar and my heart can sing when I’m in the bush. My parents always encouraged me to become a doctor, so I’m studying medicine and feel I can’t disappoint them by telling them I rather want to become a veterinary surgeon.
But it’s what I really want – in fact I know I want to specialise in wildlife management and care. What should I do? Christian, email Choosing one’s career is a very important decision because it’s not only about the kind of work you do – it’s also about what sort of lifestyle you want, and about how you want to spend most of your time.
So it’s not a good idea to choose it based on what other people want for you. It’s important to have a passion for your work and it’s clear that your heart belongs to animals and the bush, so becoming a medical doctor is the worst thing you could do.
You need to be honest with your parents about how you feel. Tell them you yearn to be a veterinary surgeon and that you need their help and support to make your dreams come true.
Your parents may be upset at first but they love you and would want you to be happy, so I’m sure they will support you. Choosing a career isn’t about making other people’s dreams come true – it’s about your own dream and your own vision for your life.
I thought I’d married the love of my life four years ago. I have my own company and as I’m fairly wealthy I could give my wife everything her heart desired.
She didn’t need to work and accompanied me on many business trips overseas. We regularly had lavish holidays and weekends away. What I didn’t know was that she’s a sex addict who was lying to me and secretly living a life of debauchery.
When I was at work she spent her time sleeping around and going to swingers parties, spending my money to make herself more attractive to men and laughing at me behind my back.
To make matters worse, most of my employees knew the truth before I did. When a good friend of mine eventually plucked up the courage to tell me to open my eyes, I was so angry I wanted to kill him.
But he was right. How will I ever trust another woman again? If I meet a woman I like, how do I make sure it’s not just my money she’s after? Gary, email
It’s an unfortunate fact that there are narcissistic, selfish people in the world, but it’s also true that most people are good and kind. You have been hurt by one of the former and are therefore feeling sensitive to being exploited.
The best way forward is simply to tread carefully. When you’re dating someone or meet someone you think you might like, don’t put all your cards on the table.
You don’t need to reveal immediately that you’re financially well-off. Simply be wary about revealing too much – you can do this without coming across as cagey.
It would also be good to get yourself into activities you’re interested in, such as a sport or hiking, as this is a great way to get to know people with similar interests.
It’ll also give you time to really get to know someone without the pressure that comes with being on a date. Also, resist the urge to want to “help” someone you’re dating or rescue them from a bad life situation.
That’s not a good way for a relationship to start. You need to find someone who’s independent and can look after herself financially. You’re a dynamic person and need a woman who is like that too to stand beside you and appreciate you.
I’ve never had a problem finding women to go out with me. At first they seem to like me, but the problems start once we get into a serious relationship.
After a few months every woman I’ve entered into a steady relationship with has dumped me. I believe that when you’re committed to someone the two of you should do everything together and spend as much time together as possible.
And they always tell me how much I spoil them and try to meet their needs, but then they dump me. Why does this keep happening? Graham, email It’s quite likely the problem is that you’re smothering them and don’t give them the freedom to be themselves and do the things they’re interested in.
We’re all individuals with our own interests and friends, and this is the case even when you’re part of a couple. Don’t stifle your partner and make them feel like they’re in a prison. A healthy relationship doesn’t come from doing everything together or spending all your spare time together. It comes from mutual respect and trust.
You’ll obviously have shared interests and spend time together, but you should each have the freedom to spend time with your own friends, pursue your own interests and also have some time alone.
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