Africa-Press – Lesotho. Marriage, under normal circumstances is a once off commitment. When one gets into it, they cannot reverse it, well they can terminate it but that is not what it is professed to be.
While it is the stage believed to mark the success of a romantic relationship, marriage has also proved to be the main concern in the issues of “young adult, ages 19 to 30” stage.
This is because most issues surrounding the life span of a human being are birthed and dependent on marriage when couples bring up to their marriage, issues that affect it negatively, themselves, or are affected negatively by those surrounding them.
It is during marriage that couples not only begin to spend most of their time together, exposing themselves to one another’s strengths and weaknesses, but they start to be around their spouse’s friends and family who might also affect their relationship, either passively or directly as well.
Most importantly, this is the time for couples to prepare for child bearing and rearing. All of these issues, if not well managed and cautiously attempted to, may render the marriage dysfunctional.
Whereas love is the backbone of the marriage in married couples, it is equally important to realize that love alone is not enough for its survival. If everything else going around marriage is not taken care of, marriage can become very short lived.
Zimbardo G (1979) describes why people entering a romantic relationship are referred to as “falling in love. ” He says, “Love is somewhat brief and not permanent. After falling in love, one either shifts to being more in love or fall out of love”.
That is why it is not impossible for newlyweds to file for a divorce, shortly after the marriage
Most couples are ill prepared for the adjustments married life requires, some still believe that marriage is for romance.
Inasmuch as love is important in marriage, it is of paramount importance for married couples to embrace the fact that marriage is not only just a partnership of the two romantically involved individuals, but there are yet other roles the couple should be ready to play in order to nourish the marriage, for it to develop.
The man has to recognize his roles as a husband, father, and leader of the family unit. He also has to be cautious of the time he spends with his family.
Similarly, a woman should recognize her roles as a wife, a mother, provider of emotional security and as a teacher. The roles of a husband will first be discussed.
Husband role:
This is a very important aspect especially when the couple acquires an extra family member, a baby. The husband has to ensure that the genesis of a child does not come between their relationships as a couple. The couple should as much as possible schedule occasions to be together without interference from a child.
They must set aside time and money for leisure outside the home if they wish to maintain their identity as a couple (not as co-habitants as it often is) and to rekindle the fires of romance that tend to get lost due to responsibilities.
“The most important thing a man can do for his children is to love his wife. A good father is first, a good husband. Van Pelt (1984).
A husband should not compromise in loving his wife and making no mistake about it. That he should express this daily, with words or actions to emphasize it. One may wonder why this has been assigned as a man’s role while they believe this should be a joined responsibility.
This is no new thing though as even the scriptures degree that, husbands should love their wives, while the only assignment given to women is to submit under their husbands.
Ephesians 5:22-25
Father role:
Our boys unfortunately have not received any training for this role, while for girls usually, due to their babysitting roles; things get it easy when it comes to nurturing of their children.
This is no excuse though. A husband who gives the support of upbringing his children will jointly transmit the security he finds in working together with his wife, to their children.
It is important also for the man to first be “a man” while bringing up his children. A boy learns his masculine traits from his father’. He is also the one who will help his son develop a healthy attitude toward women.
He must therefore provide a model of respect to them because they learn by observing. Fathers also help their daughters to develop their femininity too. All fathers need to realize that their growing girls need their approval.
One reason why few adult women feel the real closeness, comfort and understanding in their relationships with men is that their fathers never provided them with an opportunity to develop such feelings in life.
Van Pelt (1984) shockingly unveils. As a leader of the family unit:
In this context, leadership does not refer to dominating, dictatorial, unquestionable personality, but to the guiding and directing role.
A husband and father leader will make every effort to deal fairly with family matters, considering each member’s feelings with respect and kindness. This makes the entire family feel secure under such leadership.
Unfortunately, a child growing up in a home where parents have reversed their roles becomes confused and may have a challenge of identity search. A man and his time:
The quantity and quality of time a father spends with his family, especially his children is very important.
When they grow up these children will recall affectionately the scenes of childhood where their father was there. The painful fact is that fathers, who are usually not part of their children as they grow up, eventually become outsiders in their own homes and their children’s lives.
They are faced with irreversible regret as they find themselves strangers. Our next issues will cover the woman roles and other issues of concern in the aftermath of marriage.
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