Africa-Press – Lesotho. Gender Based Violence (GBV) is a major universal crisis involving all ages and sexes although the term ‘gender based violence’ is widely used for violence against
women. Statistics support the fact that women make up the majority of victims of GBV and discrimination but they never say anything about men and boys who are also
victims. Men feel that societies keep empowering women but they neither talk to them about regaining their dignity nor listen to their problems. A 34-year-old GBV male victim; who asked to stay anonymous, revealed in an
interview with Informative Newspaper that he has been married for about four years and these have been the miserable years of marriage. “I knew a day before
our wedding that I was marrying a wrong woman, but because I love her, I continued with the wedding,” he said. In his own analysis, the anonymous victim described the foundation of a good
marriage as bound on good communication, loyalty, love, respect that goes both ways and support from partners’ families. He said GBV is mostly coursed by
absence of one of these qualities, adding that it is often solely regarded as a physical harm between different genders. “My wife would insult me every time we
have a misunderstanding and she would go as far as calling me names or using my past failures. She even had a nerve to tell me that she does not love me, that she
is seeing another men outside our marriage,” he reflected. Reportedly, this behavior escalated to the point where she dehumanized him before other people and even caused physical harm.
The female partner repeatedly compared him with other men with the aim to lower his self-esteem. “Because women are always the victims of GBV, my wife’s family is always on her side
whenever we call in parents to intervene. When I try to go and seek help from the police, I get humiliated by police officers both men and woman. I experienced
this treatment from the police the day I went to seek help because my wife decided to separate with me and took with her some of the furniture we bought
together,” he revealed. He went on to call for a deeper analysis on the alarming rate of femicide across the globe, noting that there is a high possibility that men are going through
the same treatment as his, and thus reach to the point where they are compelled to retaliate. He said that men are often silent when they experience GBV; thus
building a pile of emotions which eventually reach the breaking point. Men were built to be respectful and strong, therefore, abuse humiliates them and makes
them weak before other men and the community. Contacted for extensive education on male GBV, She-Hive Association Lesotho Social Worker Seabata Makoae explained that their organization specifically works with
protecting victims of GBV being women and girls who are violated by men and boys. He further emphasized that it does not mean they are unaware of the percentage
of men who silently go through abuse, hence She-Hive is part of a network called Men Engage Lesotho, a global network. Through this network, there is a
program where they hold discussions about including men as victims and allies with women. He highlighted that they discuss with men about cultural norms and behavior that a
man may grow up with. Makoae insisted that men need to be cautioned that times have changed hence they need to change their old cultural ways and behavior
towards women. He said the abuse that is done towards women does not only affect them but it also affects men too. This is seen in situations whereby when a woman is in an abusive relationship and later on enter into a new
relationship with another man, that woman is capable of taking out the pain she felt from the previous relationship to the new man even if he came to her with
pure intentions. Men are also affected by the abuse being done to women in that; the very victims who are killed and abused by men are their sisters, their mothers, children and
their relatives and that affects them emotionally. “If a boy grows up in a family where he sees his father mistreating his mother either by abusing her
physically or emotionally, that child will grow up thinking that is the right thing to do and once they have a family, they start treating their women that
way because they take that as the right way to live with a woman,” he stated. Parents need to understand that they are the role models to their children and
what they practice in front of them is going to affect their future. The Social Worker mentioned that the cases of men who were violated are very few given
their nature as they always absorb pain. Men are taught not to speak out, not to cry and they are raised not to show their emotions because they will be
considered weak. “This has caused many men not being able to address certain issues with their spouses and communication becomes poor, thus they end up being violent to their partners and at the end, they become violent
towards each other in the family. Some men are faced with extreme abuse where women pour them with hot water during arguments, smash a man’s car windows,
slap him across the face, destroy his furniture and many other acts that are done towards them which are still regarded as violent because no one is allowed
to show their anger by hurting others either physically or emotionally,” he explained. Another violence that women often commit to their male partners is the emotional abuse
where a woman will be uttering hurtful words towards her partner whenever they are having an argument. There is also economical abuse whereby when a men does
not have means of income, his value in a marriage deteriorates. This, according to Makoae, is because men have been raised to be providers and that role of
being a provider needs to be reviewed and challenged because it puts them under a lot of pressure. Makoae emphasized that while dealing with violence, it should not be in a manner that
is justifiable because by looking for reasons for abuse, GBV may debatably be viewed as a fair treatment in some cases. “If a woman shouts at you as a man or
hits you, there is a reaction that you have to do as a man which is to report that and seek help or rather leave that relationship or marriage, not to
retaliate,” he said. He said this is to avoid the chaos in the relationship and to build a peaceful world for the coming generations. Makoae advised men to learn to speak out
their dissatisfactions and seek psychological help when they lose patience, saying most GBV cases are a result of emotional breakdown ending in violent towards other people.
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