Africa-Press – Namibia. In the book of Genesis chapter 2, verse 24, there are scriptures that read: “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
On 26 March 2022, I read a very alarming headline on the Eagle FM Facebook page – that the High Court roll recorded 119 divorces in 2022. I assume I am not the only person disturbed by this figure, but the whole nation.
To be inquisitive, what are the primary contributing factors to these marital divorces? What should be done to ameliorate this dilemma? We need to have an extensive understanding of what marriage is – prior to deciding to step into it.
Therefore, I am going to briefly shed light on the possible causes and solutions to these marital divorces. Marriage vs wedding I have personally observed that many people could not differentiate between marriage and wedding.
Hence, most couples would prepare for a well-planned and attractive wedding, then the aftermath of it, which is marriage. I understand marriage is when two heterosexually related persons officially exchange vows to become one and make a family.
Whereas, wedding is the period (usually one or two days) when couples decide to tie the knot it is celebrated as a wedding party. For me, it sounds better to be prepared for a durable and peaceful marriage, than for a precious wedding day.
What matters is not how you have gotten into marriage, but how you will keep your marriage thriving. A wedding is cherished for a shorter period, whilst marriage lasts.
Resilient and endurance This is the most fundamental quality of a successful marriage. If it lacks, there won’t be marriage. Inevitably, your partner is going to do something that hurts, frustrates or upsets you.
Guess what, if you are a revengeful somebody – you are likely going to do the same thing. Sometimes it might even be on purpose after an argument or misunderstanding.
Forgiveness is a tricky but important virtue in a marriage, especially since no one is perfect. Try to allow your partner some room to make a few mistakes because you will also make some of your own.
When you make a mistake, act quickly to apologise and fix problems. Doing so will help to encourage forgiveness and strengthen your marriage. If your marriage is filled with conflict, don’t give up. Instead, seek sound counsel and professional help that can bring peace into your home.
To cement my argument, in the book of Corinthians 13: 4-7, it is said: “Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Early marriage I am not discouraging anyone to get married at a younger age, but always ask yourself if you are psychologically and emotionally mature to handle the sheer turbulence that comes with marriage. Most young spouses are usually not cognitively, physically and psychologically prepared to take on the role of being a wife or husband.
I understand young people are easily tempted by other youthful individuals, and they are likely to spontaneously fall into a new relationship if they stumbled upon someone better than their wife or her husband.
A successful marriage requires maturity and patience, which we often don’t have early on in the marriage. Anna Quindlen once said: “women who marry early are often overly enamoured of the kind of man who looks great on the wedding pictures and passes the maid of honour his cell phone number.”
Study your person Many cultures and traditions condemn cohabitation (when an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage).
Although cohabitation is not as evil as it is said to be. If we are to look at it from another angle, cohabitation gives room to know each other better pre-marriage, especially in terms of behaviour and personalities.
Even if you decide to get married you already have a better picture of your person whether he or she is marriage material or not. Furthermore, I always tell people to marry their type.
Do not get married to someone whose identity and traits do not match yours. In other words, why should you get married to a pastor if you know that you are a drunkard? A couple’s behaviour must synchronise in one way or the other. Infidelity and abuse
Cheating is common among husbands, but some wives cheat too, as a matter of fact, everyone cheats, you divorce your partner for cheating and end up with another partner who was divorced for cheating, so it rains everywhere.
Furthermore, there is no safe way to remain in an abusive marriage with a person who has no conscience. Married couples should be happy, smile, laugh and make good memories – not be constantly upset, feel hurt and cry.
Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return.
A marriage vow includes “for better and for worse”. When there is no cheating and abuse, you are happy because it is “for better”, when there is cheating and abuse, that is “for worse”, so why should you leave?
Parental involvement No parent would like his or her child to get married to trash. That’s why back in the olden days, parents carried out some traditional practices to check whether their daughter or son should get married to someone who hails from a specific clan.
Both parties performed profound customary scrutiny to know every element of their son or daughter in-law’s existence, before risking their daughter or son into a wrong marriage. These practices helped; however, they are missing in today’s marriage. Hence, in the past marriage used to last, unlike today’s marriages.
Muhammad Bari opined that “Involvement of parents and family members has a more likelihood of bringing a better spouse with matching backgrounds in terms of family and upbringing – not just on external features. Morally upright young people would look for morally upright life partners and they would go the extra mile to find a reasonable match”. All in all, a divorce is not the end of your marriage story, it is the chapter where you overcome all odds to discover what marriage truly is.
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