Africa-Press – Zambia. In what can only be described as a biblical twist of events, a group of individuals suspected to be UPND “angels” descended upon the Chingola District Education Board Secretary’s (DEBS) office and blessed be locked it with chains of earthly steel.
The office of Mr. Noah Simulunga, the district’s educational shepherd, was sealed shut this morning by individuals claiming to be part of the United Party for National Development (UPND). Their divine mission? To smite corruption and cast out the demon of disrespect towards teachers.
Armed not with harps or halos but with a padlock and some strong opinions, the group turned what was once a humble office into what resembled a scene from Revelation, minus the trumpets, of course.
Local apostles (also known as police officers) were swiftly summoned to the scene and managed to apprehend some of the zealots. However, their identities remain cloaked in mystery, perhaps awaiting divine revelation or simply a press release from the Chingola Police.
Chingola District Administration Officer Steven Monze confirmed the incident, stating:
“While the individuals claim to be fighting for justice, the Lord and the law commands order, not padlocks. Let us reason together, sayeth the Constitution.”
Meanwhile, UPND Copperbelt Provincial trustee Scrivener Bwalya, perhaps clutching his political rosary, was quick to denounce the act, calling it “unchristian, unlawful, and unmistakably cadrism.”
“Whether these were angels gone rogue or impostors in party colors, we do not condone such behavior. Righteousness must be orderly,” he proclaimed.
The UPND, long styling itself as the “party of angels,” now finds itself in a holy PR dilemma: How to manage heavenly branding when some of its flock behave more like rebellious seraphim than saintly citizens?
As for Mr. Simulunga, sources say he is safe and currently working from a secret upper room until the chains are removed and the office is sanctified for use once again.
The police, we are told, are still preparing their Gospel er, statement on the matter.
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