Africa-Press – Zambia. Cracks Emerge in PF as Lubinda Lambasts Makebi Zulu for Airport Body Snub
Lusaka, Zambia – What do you call a group of politicians waiting for a body that never arrives? The Patriotic Front (PF) Lusaka MPS, apparently.
In a scene that could have been ripped from a slapstick comedy, senior PF members were left scratching their heads, and perhaps their wallets for parking fees, after a highly anticipated arrival of former President Edgar Lungu’s remains at Kenneth Kaunda International Airport (KKIA) turned into a no-show.
The reason? A last-minute U-turn orchestrated by none other than Makebi Zulu, leaving Given Lubinda fuming and the party’s internal divisions more exposed than a comedian’s fly.
Sources close to the PF, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being forced to wear a clown nose at the next central committee meeting, revealed that a contingent of Lusaka-based MPs, dressed in their finest mourning attire (presumably ironed, unlike the party’s current unity), had gathered at KKIA. Anticipation was high, with one MP reportedly overheard practicing his eulogy in the men’s restroom, only to be interrupted by a janitor asking if he needed help finding the toilet paper.
“We were there, ready,” lamented a visibly exasperated Given Lubinda, whose usual jovial demeanor was replaced by the kind of scowl usually reserved for a drummer who’s just dropped a stick mid-solo. “We cleared our schedules, we told our constituents we were on important national duty – which, technically, waiting for a former president’s body is. And then, poof! Gone like a politician’s promise after an election!”
The source of the phantom body phenomenon, it turns out, was a directive from South Africa, allegedly delivered by Makebi Zulu. “It was like a plot twist in a poorly written movie,” quipped a young PF cadre, who added, “First, he’s a lawyer, then a minister, now he’s a body traffic controller? What’s next, a stand-up comic?” The decision, reportedly made “at the eleventh hour,” left the Lusaka contingent high and dry, and considerably red-faced.
“I’ve heard of pulling the rug out from under someone, but this was pulling the coffin out from under an entire party!” Lubinda declared, his voice rising in exasperation. “We looked like a bunch of lost tourists at the airport, asking ‘Is this where the body arrives?’ The airlines must have thought we were a new type of flash mob!”
The incident has, predictably, opened a can of worms, or perhaps a bag of bad jokes, within the PF. “Cracks? My friend, we’re talking about the Grand Canyon of disagreements here!” joked another MP, who then quickly added, “Don’t quote me on that, I still want a ministerial position if we ever win again.”
The airport saga is seen by many as further evidence of the internal power struggles plaguing the former ruling party. “It’s like a drum solo where everyone is playing a different rhythm,” observed one political analyst, who requested anonymity, fearing they might be asked to join the PF’s new “Airport Waiting Committee.” “One minute they’re united, the next they’re contradicting each other on basic logistical matters. It’s less of a political party and more of a comedy troupe.”
When reached for comment, Makebi Zulu’s phone went straight to voicemail, which reportedly played a muffled recording of a drum roll followed by a cymbal crash and then a dial tone. Efforts to get a statement from former President Lungu’s family were also unsuccessful, though one family member was heard muttering, “At this rate, we should just send a selfie of the urn.”
As for the PF Lusaka MPs, they’re reportedly considering a new party slogan: “PF: We’re still waiting… for something.” And if all else fails, perhaps a career in stand-up comedy, because after this, they’ve got enough material for a lifetime. One thing is for sure, the incident has provided more laughs than a barrel of monkeys, and for the PF, that’s probably not a good thing.
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