Africa-Press – Eswatini. It has become evidently clear that as a nation, despite all our good intentions, we are losing the battle against gender-based violence (GBV).
I am sure readers can agree with me that not a week goes by lately where you pick up a newspaper and not come across an article on this scourge. Have we completely lost our moral compass so much that we have no value or respect for human life anymore? Or is it because too often we find ourselves in circumstances that push us to make rash yet cruel decisions that result in the loss of lives?
For eons, our country has been surviving in the patriarchal system and one would assume it worked well during the barter trade times as in this poverty-stricken society we live today, it is often challenged, with reason of course. Nowadays, a household cannot survive simply on the sole income of a man. The prevailing economic situation requires, often, that bills and responsibilities are split, so both spouses need to contribute, especially financially, thus by doing so putting the patriarchal system out of play. This unfortunately comes at a cost of course for the male figure, as often it leads to the feeling of being emasculated, and that on its own has proven enough to produce an angry violent man, hence that anger often easily finds its way to being expressed physically and ending another’s life, normally the spouse’s. However, I refuse to blame GBV on poverty and insecurities of partners. There certainly is more to it than that. Both men and women have a role in the persistence of this issue. Take, for instance, cases where you find the abuse has been happening over time, in as much as they say ignorance is bliss, staying with an abusive man in the hopes he will someday change is bound to cost you your sanity and soon your life and frankly no amount of love should have to cost you that much.
Dependent
I will admit that in some cases leaving an abusive partner may seem impossible, due to fear of him finding out you are planning to leave him and him inflicting worse pain. This could be fear of losing custody rights to the children due to failure of providing for them like the father or simply being solely dependent on the abuser such that leaving them leaves you with nothing, so enduring the suffering seems easier. I beg to differ, as I believe if it costs you your life, it is not worth staying. Sometimes the independence of the female partner tends to be the root cause of the abuse happening. Well, making more money than her partner would easily give her the false right to belittle and disrespect her spouse. In most cases, you find that she refuses for the relationship to end but miraculously expects the partner to just endure the torture, which has proven countless times to be as good as poking a tiger with a short stick.
We cannot, therefore, forget the pressure social expectations have put on relationships. It is not a new thing to find two unhappy people fighting for a relationship that no longer serves either of them but all in the name of ‘what will people say’, they stay in hopes of sticking it out. I can attest that misery triggers an ugly side to one as that’s where the infidelities kick in, in the hopes of filling a void of happiness; so when caught the next person can simply feel they can’t stand the shame hence ending it all seems easier. Not forgetting the controlling, jealous-obsessed partner who lives on the notion that; ‘If I can’t have you, no one can’. Ladies, if you come across such a man run, it is not love, but it is you giving up your freedom to simply be in a relationship.
The way I see it, this requires everyone to play their part. It is time that our government gives an ear to the incessant calls to declare GVB a national disaster so it gets the urgent attention it desperately needs. Part of the solution could be implementing a curriculum in schools that teaches positive ways on how to mould a child. This may include putting to play the acts that thrive for the promotion of prevention of neglecting the male child and instilling the drive for independence in our young girls. Government also needs to seriously look into ways of promoting youth employment so as to excavate the spirit of self-doubt, the dire need for validation, peer pressure and wrongful dependence among our youth that often leads to GBV cases. No, I do not have all the answers but hey, this is my two cents worth.
Source: times
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