Africa-Press – Lesotho. A group of the most notorious thieves in the world gathered for a workshop at some resort. They were discussing new ways to rob people, companies and governments.
During a tea break, one of them suggested a mock election. He handed each of the 5 000 thieves a ballot paper. On the list were the FBI, Scotland Yard, South Africa’s Hawks and Lesotho’s DCEO.
Each was to select one agency they prefer to investigate them when they pulled a massive heist. The FBI got 3 000 votes, Scotland Yard 1 900 and the Hawks 100.
Our DCEO got zero. The reason was obvious. Thieves have pride. They want challenging investigators for a thrilling cat and mouse chase. The DCEO’s incompetence is so legendary that it borders on disrespecting crooks.
No real thief wants to be chased by a dull investigator. There is no delight in that. There is no point in the thief hiding their thievery because the DCEO wouldn’t know corruption or fraud if they spat in their face.
Eish, that is disgusting. Let’s rephrase. The DCEO would not know a thief even if it sat on their faces and…. You can count the number of cases the DCEO has successfully prosecuted on one hand.
The DCEO is simply incapable of convicting anyone. You and your lawyer have to be completely brainless for the DCEO to convince a judge, even the most confused one like that one of scary weaves, that you are guilty.
You don’t need legal arguments to win a case against the DCEO. All you have to do is attend the remands and watch as Calamity DCEO trips itself and topples like someone drunk on hopose.
They arrest, charge and then investigate. Reserve jive. When caught with their pants down they start requesting postponements as if their salaries depend on it.
Somewhere along the way, they will tell the judge that they are still investigating. Later, they will reshuffle the prosecutors like Mr Softie does with those toys they call principal secretaries.
Meanwhile, you watch from a distance as the charade unfolds. After a few years, they will come to court empty-handed and stare at the judge like a villager caught taking a dump in the chief’s field.
“Your honour, your honour, your honour,” the prosecutor will say as if there is anything honourable about their tomfoolery.
Usually, it’s a local prosecutor who has to endure the shame after the South African prosecutor, paid by the bucket, stuffs their pockets with easy money and dumps the case.
After the defeat, which they always knew would happen, they walk out of the court with a bounce in their step and pretend as if they tried their best.
Instead of hiding in the gutters at the High Court or the bushes behind the Maseru Magistrates’ Court, they start looking for the next victim to harass with their ineptitude.
All this is because its victims are so grateful that the nightmare is over that they don’t bother to take the DCEO to the cleaners. That nonsonso should stop.
The DCEO should be sued for everything it has, right to the shoelaces of its investigators. There is only one rule. If you win the case and the DCEO cannot pay, just remember to avoid attaching any of the investigators because they are useless here, in heaven and hell.
We know that some things have intrinsic value. Some have sentimental value. Others gain value over time. A DCEO investigator will never be useful over time and no matter the value addition you do. Send him to school, force them into refresher courses, get him a mentor or put a new suit on him. The result is the same: zero value.
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